oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
there was a trapeze. enough said
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
So much Jack, so little girl.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
