1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
