If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
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