dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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