Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
