We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
