I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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