They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I wear drunk well.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
