You don't have asthma, your pregnant
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
