That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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