uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
