My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
