I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
