her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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