Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
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I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
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feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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