I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Randomize
