I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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