I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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