How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Sober January is a disaster.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
