if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
