if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
