Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
