You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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