the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
