I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
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Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
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I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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