a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
