He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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