She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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