We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
