Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
