Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
