I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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