upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
