her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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