Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
