Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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