fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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