Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
