His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
