Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Can you bring me the toilet please
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
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