when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize