I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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