peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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