oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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