I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
