I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
