She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
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I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
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You're breaking my sexual little heart
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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