11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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