WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
