I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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