Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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