Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
