i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
