So drunk, too bad you don't want this
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
