Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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