Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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