Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
