I didn't shave. On purpose
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
