You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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