Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
