I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
